When it comes to the worst offenders in the world of men’s sandals, ones designed for serious outdoor activity top the list. This variety looks more like a full-on shoe with oddball cutouts than a sleek summer sandal. No one would doubt its comfort or utility with a lug sole and all those synthetic water-absorbent materials. After all, something so hideous must have been created to serve a purpose. However, function should never -- and doesn’t have to -- completely trump style. If you’re going to take a hike, do it with a pair of real boots, not a stout sandal.
Don’t go granola
Birkenstocks and Tevas are better suited for a sit-in than a night out. You probably owned at least one pair of these hippy-esque shoes in your teens and wore them with a not-so subtly witty A&F T-shirt, cargo shorts and hemp necklace. It’s time to grow up. A real man’s sandal should channel casual sophistication, not a bonfire. The ironic thing about these granola shoes is that they are supposed to somehow be practical. The relatively hefty price tag and inability to withstand moisture say otherwise. One stroll on the lakeshore with these sandals, and you’ll be waiting days for them to dry out. In the meantime, you’re left smelling like a dirty changing room.
Don’t cover upSocks and sandals
It’s difficult to say how exactly the sock and sandal combination came into existence. By contrast, it’s astoundingly easy to spot the offenders every summer. Just go to your local theme park, museum or retail park -- basically anyplace where there are tourists en masse. You’ll be bound to find argyle sock-covered feet strangled in a sandal gasping for air. Some even wear it unabashedly as though an open-toed shoe were meant to be corrupted in the most heinous of ways. It’s a shocking reality for a continent that exports some of the best fashion to every corner of the earth, but this is one time you don’t want to go Euro.
Don’t buy in bulk
Some people might be surprised to find out that Dr. Martens still exist. The iconic, chunky black shoe/boot with yellow stitching certainly had its moment with teens in the '90s. What isn’t surprising is that if Dr. Martens were to make a sandal, it would be equally as cumbersome. The summer is supposed to be light and carefree, but wearing a shoe that looks like a block of wood on your foot doesn’t exactly radiate airiness. Thick foam and rubber-sole sandals with equally bulky uppers are just as offensive as the hiking type without any of the functionality.
Don’t slide
Unless you’re a football player on the subs bench, leave the athletic slip-ons at home. It may be easy and comfortable to slip your foot into a lightweight foam and rubber sandal, but it’s not a statement you ever want to make outside of your home or maybe an astro turf field. This is one sandal that, despite sturdiness, has a limited ability to survive outside of its normal habitat. No matter how your wear the slide, it will always make you look like you just came from football practice. Even a benched Beckham wouldn’t be able to pull this one off.
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